How To Tell You'Re In Redneck Country

When wealth is determined by the number of guns one owns. When a wedding party is a family barbeque, and the wife needn't change last names. When only the very richest owns a bathroom. Where soap has yet to be discovered. Where squirrel brains is a main course. Where your doctor wears a plaid shirt. Where teeth are rarer than diamonds. Where coon-skin caps are fashionable. Where the one room school is underused. Where the smartest people study comic books. Where your dad is also your uncle. Where a woman shaving her legs is a waste of razors. Where the closest thing to a car is a mule named Sarah. Where night-crawler worms are considered a snack food. Where people still wonder who will win the Civil War. Where television is the technology of the future. Where everyone knows the earth is flat. Where the moon is still thought to be made of cheese. Where medicine is dispensed from a wagon. Where that medicine is always Dr. Dermatosis's Magic Elixir. Where the postman makes a yearly visit, and wonders why. Where Tom's Tidbits is considered scholarly literature. Where English muffins are considered foreign food. Where English muffins are described as having "Crooks and Nannies". Where no one knows what a "nanny" is, anyway. Where Spike Jones is the romantic crooner.