How To Take Care of a Woman
Give her teeth. Women like teeth
Women like attention. Give her babies
Marry her but only once
Drive her to the cliff but never over it
Hold her hand because holding her feet looks ridiculous
Wave bright and shiny things in front of her
Never rattle her. Never call her “Hey you!”
Write her name down to remember it
Use string. Don't call her String.
Give her cats, puppy dogs and a loaf of bread
And don’t forget the eggs and milk
Dress her like a clown because clowns are fun
If you must, put her in a box…. because you must!
Make sure it has holes for breathing
Take her sky diving. Sometimes parachutes are required.
Give her duct tape. Duct tape can fix anything, even marriages
Take her to bed because trampolines are complicated
Tell her a joke
The one about, what did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
It didn’t say anything but let out a little wine
Lead her not into temptation but to the mall
Money will do the rest and do it all
Copyright © Earl Schumacker | Year Posted 2022
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