How To Pay Your Bills (Part One)

This was a method employed, By my last ex-wife, Who enjoyed 16 years of torturing me, The bane of my life... See she sat and slept in her recliner, The power seat of the house, And treated me, Like an annoying mouse... I was too dumd to take, Care of a bill, My mental capacity, Seemingly nil... Each day I'd hand her majesty That days' mail, Nothing but bills, For the coffin a nail.... As I worked 6 days a week, Most 11 hours long, I grew quite meek... Her system consisted, Of tossing the bills in a pile, Next to her chair, Let them sit for awhile... Till afer 'bout six weeks, The pile reached her armchair height, Annoyed her TV vision, Obscuring her sight.. Now I knew, when she started to pay... That legion of bills... On that fateful day.... I'd better be, At least a hundred miles away... She would grow ever more disturbed, And violent at me, I didn't make enough, For her tennis lessons, You see..... New car, clothes by the score, She wanted no pressure, And she wanted more... I'd go to work, With 30 cents, No coffee could buy... I was just too dense... Worthless and shifty, Each 60 hour week, And pitiful, and weak, And far too disdainful, The mouse was too meek... For three days I'd suffer the storm.... Wishing I was elsewhere, Especially in a coed dorm.... 'Cause I'd have non of "that", If you know what I mean... Sometimes lasted for months, Despite pleading tears... Now-adays, I live up "On Cripple Creek" No longer matters if I'm feeling strong or quite weak, Cause as the song says; "Up on Cripple Creek, If I spring a leak, She mends me... I don't have to speak, She defends me... A drunkard's dream... If I ever did see one!" This would be my friend Rosie, Who pays all my bills, Takes care of stuff, Cures all of my ills... And, should someone, Be so damn foolish, As to antagonize me, I merely tell her, And soon enough they would wish, Someone else's hot anger, Had they sampled in their dish, Wishing to dear God, They'd never heard of my name... And suddenly they'd have realized, They ought not have tried to play that game... My biggest nightmare, In the whole world, I do think, Would be to piss her off, That really would stink... (cont.)