Holding You

~***Part One of Vanish Away the Anguish series…read Part Two, Leaving You. Thanks***~ It’s horrendous… This loneliness Finding it hard enough to extraordinarily express Myself when people don’t mind how big of a mess I’ve been in…for an awful long, long time Hopeless again…ain’t it horribly sublime? This half-witted distress Stabs me lately regardless… Left alone Want to disappear On my own Numb away my fear Rest is unknown… Restless and a lone bone…I lay down on my cushion in lost ambition and groan Hate your tone of voice… You spitefully used me… Still, you are forgiven, but it won’t be forgotten Don’t play games, baby Left me no room to rejoice I’ve grown out of love and its temporary feelings that make you want to moan A lonely ice-cream cone Felt no cheer Didn’t answer your phone Not held dear Pretend you’re mine I would feel oh so fine I didn’t mean to hurt you horrendously Like you did to me in hateful negativity Young and foolish Gleefully in anguish Don’t let me hang there forever… I want to be positive with you, tangled in my hair Never will I push you away, never… I will never hurt you the way you hurt me…I wouldn’t dare… And I care for you… Unlike you did, true You are still apart of my fractured mind…let's unwind what’s left behind You marked me up nice with such articulate, tattooed words so kind So shattered… Like it mattered… To you…with or without you, I am mind-scattered Heart-battered Not flattered… Tattered… Like nothing mattered… I didn’t matter apparently You can’t disagree, I see Trying to wish away what happened to me a decade ago Molested in madness and masked myself with misery I stare at the glass window before me, tears start to flow Wish, too, to break away and erase that nasty memory I will hide my rage and pain and throw it away like an old sweater I will engage in pleasing you It’s strange how you speak my language of ever-changing weather I will keep on pressing on too We hurt each other horrendously…and we knew it would Why are we fighting these battles? Envious desires and venom lusts harm us more than good Who broke apart our well-built castles? We shouldn’t be tolerating these wars of self-destruction We shouldn’t be starting ridiculous riots between us… We need a tranquil disruption or a rather brilliant distraction Hold my hands and keep them warm without a fuss I will cuddle you throughout the night With kisses and hugs without a fright We will no longer horrendously hurt each other We should be absolutely adoring one another… It’s horrendous…your hatred is left unsaid in dread that bred in me insipid, stupid emotions and angst How much you heartlessly hate my splendid lovin'? Prove it... Bring me to a healing home, a heavenly haven of honest, halcyon hopes I find it despicable and senseless…and then again, (bit by bit) It didn’t matter to you anyway…you didn’t even say thanks when I did you right all this time…thanks… Sing to me when I am alone – strangle me with rage and rejection ropes