Hi Jesus

Hi Jesus It’s been a long, long time. I hope that you still remember me, I’ve been hiding quite a while, deep inside. I know that you know all things Still, I think I should explain, The reason I’ve been hiding Is because of all the shame, because of all the pain. I know that I don’t look so great For meeting up with you tonight, in the hue of bedroom light But I hope you understand I’ve been alone since I was three, there was nobody caring, just me, you see. You probably see the dirt marks And smudges on my face…. and heart But it seems no matter how I try Some things I just can’t erase. They say that eyes are windows they peer into the soul. I’m afraid that if you look there, You’ll find it dark and cold, my soul half, not whole. I’m not sure why it is, Lord, But you won’t see any tears. I guess they’ve just been cried up all these years. I know that limp and lifeless Is my unruly heart. I guess that’s just what happens When no one really cares, when your childhood is ripped apart. And if you ask a question I really do not have much to say. I’ve found that no one really wants To hear me talk about it anyway. And if you care to listen, Sit quiet and you’ll hear How hard my heart is pounding. That’s because of all the fear. You’ll notice that I wrapped my arms Around me all the time. I did that for protection Of the things that should have been mine. See, not so very long ago, Pg.2 Without an ounce of care, That monster took away from me Things I never meant to share. And if you find I tremble inside When you come close to me, It’s because of all the dreadful things That someone did to me, and they tried to hide. Jesus I’m so sorry, if I disappointed you, If these things have saddened you. But when I cried out to you You never told me what to do. I know that in my mother’s womb You created me And I can’t help but wonder Is this what I was meant be? They say that you are everywhere, With each and every one, But it seems that on those dark nights You left me all alone, just for him to take to play, to give me away. They tell me that you love me And I suppose it’s true, But Jesus, please remember, they whispered it, In the darkness and the stench They said they loved me too. © Theresa Rossouw