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Her Gentle Loving Breeze

Gemini born, an obvious air sign, She loved the breezes, the more brisk the better They brought butterflies, dragonflies and damsel flies Didn’t they? She liked nothing better than to lie in the grass While little ants creeped up her legs reading a book Did not matter what book, she found value in most As long as there was a breeze lifting her hair up As the gentle breeze caressed her arms and legs The summer sun would warm her Together they would lull her to sleep She would wake up happy, loving neighborhood sounds Mrs. Rutherford laughing at something Mrs. Zee said. Mr. Rutherford’s buzz saw, Sophie’s collie’s happy bark. Nothing like a little snooze in the middle of June Next to a gentle loving breeze.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2021




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Date: 2/4/2021 6:56:00 PM
You have a nice imaginative write here. There's just one issue I have noticed: I detect a bit of amphiboly in the second line of your second verse. Who is reading the book? She or the ants? One small suggestion: change that line to "while little ants creeped up her legs as she read a book". I think that would clarify things significantly. Everything else looks good here.
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Book: Radiant Verses: A Journey Through Inspiring Poetry