Heartless

I used to fear the storm, now I feel comfortable by the dark clouds I feel alone even when in large crowds Things that I used to cherish are so easy for me to disregard now How can you expect me to not be heartless after years of pouring my heart out A fake smile and bravado to hide the fact I'm insecure Had to be an adult during my childhood, I've used my 20's to be immature A grown man still dealing with his childhood trauma Hip-Hop and sarcasm became good armour I've wasted years with meaningless flings and acting reckless Partying nightly and taking a nap for breakfast I never knew where I was going, but was too stubborn to ask for directions Pretend I'm ok, and pour a glass of brandy to relax my depression I'm not good with commitment, but at times I appreciate the closeness It fixes me for a short time and lets me forget I'm from a place that's broken The intimacy gives me a small opportunity to escape my emotions If she thinks I'm only good enough for a one night stand I won't waste the moment There's been so many times I got girls naked to dress up my own pain At times I enjoyed Being thoughtless, because I already stress enough in my brain At times I struggle to express the feelings inside my chest I'm just a flawed and damaged man who tries his best