Heartless

I used to fear the storm, now I feel comfortable by the dark clouds
I feel alone even when in large crowds
Things that I used to cherish are so easy for me to disregard now
How can you expect me to not be heartless after years of pouring my heart out

A fake smile and bravado to hide the fact I'm insecure
Had to be an adult during my childhood, I've used my 20's to be immature
A grown man still dealing with his childhood trauma
Hip-Hop and sarcasm became good armour

I've wasted years with meaningless flings and acting reckless
Partying nightly and taking a nap for breakfast
I never knew where I was going, but was too stubborn to ask for directions
Pretend I'm ok, and pour a glass of brandy to relax my depression

I'm not good with commitment, but at times I appreciate the closeness 
It fixes me for a short time and lets me forget I'm from a place that's broken 
The intimacy gives me a small opportunity to escape my emotions 
If she thinks I'm only good enough for a one night stand I won't waste the moment 

There's been so many times I got girls naked to dress up my own pain
At times I enjoyed Being thoughtless, because I already stress enough in my brain
At times I struggle to express the feelings inside my chest
I'm just a flawed and damaged man who tries his best
Copyright © | Year Posted 2021

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Mchattie Avatar
April 9, 2021 at 3:39 PM
It 's a brave step to recognize that we are not perfect beings. A few baby steps in the right direction will serve you well. May I suggest Jordan Peterson's book on 'the 12 steps to a better life.' Have a great day my friend.
Duffy Avatar
April 19, 2021 at 1:56 AM
Thank you I appreciate it. I will make sure to check that book out as it sounds a good read. Thank you for this
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