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Heartbroken

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October.6.2023
Halcyon, Hearbroken, House Words Poetry Contest
Sponsor- Constance La France

 

"Broken families beget culprits, and late remorse can never set things right" ~ By Poet.
Scenes reel back casting dark shadows, Of the fated day I had to leave my home, Handcuffed and guarded by cops on either side, Despised by all as one so loathsome. I had in me, then the heart of stone All I could think of was my own gain. Thoroughly swept by the rip - tide of illusion, I had no regard for another's pain. ‘Drink life to the lees' was my credo, So, I gambled to make a hoard of money. Drugs and dopes gave me instant delight. Initially my days were all too sunny. But suddenly life derailed from its track My wallet was like a leaking tank. All its contents drained out in no time. Gradually into dejection and despair, I sank. Eliminated from life by my own misdeeds, Weary of mind from stress and strife, Hate grew and hardened within me as a rock. Once I ripped my rival with a knife. Convicted and caught red handed, I ended up in this cheerless cell. Within these dank forlorn walls, I shrink like an oyster in its shell. Everything here is dusty and rusty. To get some peace as I attempt to sleep, Marauding thoughts invade my brain. Like a line of red ants, they listlessly creep. In my ears fall the sobs of my loving mother, Now in dumps, orphaned by her drunken husband, I could never love my father, a true rascal But I feel heartbroken as I think of my mother so abandoned

Copyright © | Year Posted 2023




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Date: 10/7/2023 7:32:00 PM
Sigh, this poem made me feel some painstaking emotions and just as you began to describe, the scenes of darkness started moving in front of my eyes..a very profound and evocative take for the contest, with immense depth, vulnerability, meanings and dimensions.. And yes true, as Ink said it definitely felt like a movie.. But it's a reality for some, unfortunately... In the ending, even though succumbing to his deeds and fate, he felt the ache of his mother.. Even his stone-heart couldn't neglect.
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Date: 10/6/2023 11:52:00 AM
Sometimes we can become a victim of our own crime.. reading this I could sense the despair and the regret.. a poem that takes you on a journey... I feel your pain as I have had similar experiences in life and no one wants to see their mother abandoned and in pain.. This is a brilliant poem for the contest... You are a poet supreme..
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Date: 10/6/2023 10:45:00 AM
Nice personification of high and lows in life. At least mother's love was the beacon of hope.
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Date: 10/6/2023 8:57:00 AM
Valsa, a captivating embodiment of the raw realities of life. That presence exudes a profound depth of emotions, immersing the reader in a whirlwind of empathy and compassion. As I delve into her story, my heart aches for those unfortunate souls who, as innocent children, were overlooked and found themselves entangled in the clutches of trouble. Good luck with the contest
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Date: 10/6/2023 5:43:00 AM
A magnificent personification, showing the seamy side of life. Great emotions right through. Though on the dark side, it has one redeeming feature. The love towards a mother. Wonderful poem. Blessings.
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Date: 10/6/2023 4:06:00 AM
Your words remind me of the wisdom my mother shared with me, "Life is a circular thing." In your poem, you brilliantly put yourself in the convicts shoes...the imagery and sensations you created were outstanding. And the last line just added spice and another level of sadness to your poem. A fav! enjoy your day, Sara
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Date: 10/6/2023 4:06:00 AM
Valsa, what a powerful take on the theme! I truly feel for those who have fallen through the cracks as children and end up in trouble. Your haunting poem brings it to life with incredible imagery!
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Date: 10/5/2023 11:52:00 PM
What a unique take on this prompt, and the storytelling here is so brilliant! Its like uv put urself in someones place where they get handcuffed and put in jail for the crimes, gambling and drinking. And that ending about how this characters father was an alcoholic too made me think, somethings are like a cycle, learned behavior perhaps, and traits,very descriptive and i felt like i was watching a movie, as i read this! You really know how to do storytelling so well! I am truly impressed! Fave
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