Have I Betrayed...

Have I betrayed your trust? I hope you'll not feel that. I wished it not upon myself for fear that I might lose you. I feared your presence gone and the deafening silence it would cause. As I lay in that bed (or as it may be, cot) I dreamt of you; as I drifted through the world of sleep I saw your face. But upon waking, dreams are shattered (like hot glass put into ice water) by hands that I soon felt were not yours, and kisses that belonged not to the man my dreams but man of my nightmares. And I forced myself tight between the wooden wall and the reeking specimen at my back I leaned my forehead against that wooden barrier and sought to remove the scent from my nostrils. I (that woman who rejects all ideas of heavenly sovereigns) prayed for Apollo to bless me with his light; for all that was bred of night and darkness may be smighted by the warmth. I prayed the heat might melt the ice around my soul. Did I betray your trust when I lay in a bed with a man who haunts my dreams? Blame me not! What would I gain by losing that true man who I cherish above all else?