Haunted Brothel

Her bony fingers stroked my hair,
I shuddered at the icy touch,
And when I turned no one was there.

I felt the hatred of her stare,
My heart was frozen in its clutch,
Her bony fingers stroked my hair.

I’d walked into the open snare,
My curiosity too much,
And when I turned no one was there.

I stood alone inside her lair,
The murdered prostitute was Dutch,
Her bony fingers stroked my hair.

The room was full of such despair,
I tried to flee but dropped my crutch,
And when I turned no one was there.

How stupid was the double dare,
I’d suffer now for playing butch,
Her bony fingers stroked my hair,
And when I turned no one was there.

For Paula's Unease contest
Copyright © | Year Posted 2012

Poem

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Thirtyseven Avatar
May 29, 2014 at 8:22 AM
This was the first one, on your Best Poems list. What a great read. You've told a fun, mysterious story here, and you've told it well.
Dietrich Avatar
February 2, 2014 at 11:59 AM
hey, Jack, I just recently discovered this cool thing . Our BEST poems as chosen by other members are right here for everyone to see by clicking where it says "Best poems" this is your very best one as chosen by soup members, and I can see why!!!
Brown Avatar
July 3, 2012 at 1:29 PM
Congratulations on your placement in the "Unease" contest Jack. Love, Carol
Harrington Avatar
July 3, 2012 at 1:13 PM
Ooh, eerie. I love it! Congratulations. This is a wonderful write. *smiles* Tanya
Kostman Avatar
July 2, 2012 at 3:52 PM
congrates on your win very nice poem
Bauer Avatar
July 2, 2012 at 2:46 PM
very spooky and filled with unease - congratulations on your win!
Arowolo Avatar
June 30, 2012 at 5:05 PM
Beautiful and awesome piece,my friend.Great job.Congratulations on your well deserved win...
Williams Avatar
June 30, 2012 at 5:45 AM
Jack congrats on your win, spooky..David
Tsiluma Avatar
June 30, 2012 at 2:32 AM
Sounds so eerie! Congrats on your win Jack!
A   Avatar
June 29, 2012 at 9:36 PM
JACK, congratulations with your wonderful win in Paula's unease contest..goodnight *PD
Johnson Avatar
June 29, 2012 at 6:07 PM
More than a small amount of unease here, Jack. The villanelle form was perfect for this scary poem. Congratulations on your big win. Love, Joyce
Grisetti Avatar
June 29, 2012 at 3:15 PM
Congratulations of your well deserved win. A great villanelle. Scary.
Richards Avatar
June 29, 2012 at 2:19 PM
Wow...you tackled a difficult form, and it is a winner!! Great work!!
Dietrich Avatar
June 29, 2012 at 2:18 PM
Jack, look at this, Your first villanelle took the prize!! Way to go, big congrats to you, my friend!
Kendrick Avatar
June 24, 2012 at 2:06 PM
That would be unease for sure..Good luck in the contest..Reads like winning material..Enjoyed reading this afternoon..Thanks for stopping by, reading and taking time to comment on my work..Sara
Dietrich Avatar
June 23, 2012 at 7:08 PM
Hey, I almost forgot to check out your villanelle. Did you say your first one? Wow, you did a GREAT job, Jack. I really like this haunted tale. You chose very well your two main repeated lines! That's the crux of writing a good villanelle!
Onclaud Avatar
June 21, 2012 at 1:39 PM
eerie yet beautifully crafted, jack...such undaunting poetic energy!.. best wishes and huggs!
O'Leary Avatar
June 21, 2012 at 12:13 PM
Super poem... Terry
Sivey Avatar
June 21, 2012 at 11:17 AM
This poem is sure to win Jack, I just know it! It made me so very uneasy while I was reading it, wow! This is a wondrous poem my friend! I loved this write immensely! Great Work!!
Neels Avatar
June 21, 2012 at 11:13 AM
I love this form Jack and yours came together perfectly.. Next time beware about the dare games you get involved in lol ;) lfde Wilma
Britt Avatar
June 21, 2012 at 10:05 AM
THIS IS AWESOME!! Good luck in the Unease contest, Jack <3
Sweetheart Avatar
June 21, 2012 at 9:05 AM
phenomenal imagery and an eerie aura make this piece a winner Jack luv.. how awesome is your imagination .. will pass on your well wishes to Constance tomorrow . no updates as yet.. nice use of form too .. best wishes ..
Collins Avatar
June 21, 2012 at 8:48 AM
so creepy Jack. I love it. Kathy
Tams The Golden Girl Avatar
June 21, 2012 at 8:02 AM
Love it Jack its even made me uneasy xx
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