happeningZ

Words activate something in me even if I’m just thinking, not writing. So I soon find myself back at the keyboard. It seems that my life’s been a series of keyboards. My motor’s always running—I idle fast. But I’ve been untying my intellectual shoe-strings recently. Dissociatively avoiding intellective pursuits, and embracing entropy (since school ended). It’s been relaxing—I’ve felt new to my body. There’ve been happenings lately, particularly in the nocturnal theater of romantic nights. My bf Peter’s here—trying to look impressed by an under-grad degree. He’s a pretty good actor—for an amateur. We’ve been interrogating the richer aspects of love, testing it’s configurations you might say, with constant motions and lush indulgences. We’re savoring this temporary freedom, devouring it, like mindless carnivores. Peter lives in Geneva, you see, while I’ve been in New Haven. If I’ve learned anything, in my ivy league, senior year, it’s that you can’t cheat closeness with virtuality. He may have a new job in New Jersey and I'll be in Boston. I've already calculated a year’s travel expenses from Logan to Liberty and back 52 times = ~$62k. Make it so. I'm an enumerator, I count everything —the left facing croissants on a tray, the days Peter and I have been apart, and the modicum of hours we’ve had together. I’m somewhere on that obsessive-compulsive bell curve, and I’m a Libra, uncomfortable in an uneven world. Perhaps there's no shame in this. I wonder sometimes, when we’re separated, if we’ll still work, when we’re reunited, and then, like sunlight can suddenly define shadow, we can see that it does. That love is more potent than wine. I dream of things I can’t have—yet, like the life I’d like to live—someday. Hey, I’ve something to look forward to. . . Songs for this: Love Train by The O'Jays Easy by The Commodores