Haiku 48

purple irises
	seductive yellow throats
	bees hovering
	
	
	pale pink peonies
	no more butterfly kisses
	petals falling

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Charlotte Puddifoot

Date: 5/23/2013 1:35:00 PM

I like this a lot, particularly the contrasting colours in the first one and the alliteration in the second one...in answer to what you said, as I understand it haiku can have less syllables than the traditional 17, the 17-syllable 5, 7, 5 format is the one that's used the most but it's perfectly acceptable to use less, as you have here :)

Jack Jordan
Date: 5/23/2013 1:46:00 PM

Thanks for the nice comment. Yes, you are correct about haiku. It's clear that 5-7-5 and 17 syllables are not absolute rules, but can vary, especially for modern writers in English. As I mentioned, take a look at the haiku of Gary Snyder and do a search for "Modern Haiku," a periodical devoted to the form. Similar issues seem to exist about absolute rules for monoku.

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 5/18/2013 8:20:00 PM

Lovely, Jack, all nice things and imagery must fade away.... but will return... enjoyed~ Linda

Jack Jordan
Date: 5/18/2013 9:53:00 PM

Thanks for stopping by... Jack

Barbara Gorelick

Date: 5/14/2013 9:32:00 PM

Enjoyed this flower garden of words. maybe you could call it " syncopated haiku" BG

Jack Jordan
Date: 5/14/2013 10:05:00 PM

Nice idea! I like it... Jack

Timothy Hicks

Date: 5/14/2013 2:23:00 PM

What I don't know is what you call haiku that's written in a strand like this. They tell a story collectively, while individually they can still stand alone. I'm honestly really curious to what it would be called because I don't think there's a name for it...

Jack Jordan
Date: 5/14/2013 5:36:00 PM

I haven't found a name for doing it this way, so I think of it as two loosely related haiku. Frankly, it makes sense either way. Jack

Timothy Hicks

Date: 5/14/2013 2:21:00 PM

I clicked on the link... very pretty flowers! I was reading Alfred's comment and I just wanted to add "my two cents". Haiku has changed a lot over the years and I believe that once you pass the 5-7-5 rule your haiku really excels into something far better. Now I'm not saying haiku that DOESN'T follow the rule is better or worse... I'm just saying the freedom of not thinking in syllables leaves room for your haiku to soar into new heights.

Jack Jordan
Date: 5/14/2013 5:37:00 PM

I think I may add a bit to my comments. I'll see if I can live with what I write before I post it.

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 5/14/2013 10:09:00 AM

- This was just beautifully, Jack! - oxox / / Anne-Lise :)

Jack Jordan
Date: 5/14/2013 10:20:00 AM

Thanks! It is Spring, after all... Jack

Timothy Hicks

Date: 5/14/2013 9:45:00 AM

I agree with Kim, quite eloquent indeed. I liked how the first was so full of life and the second was a picture of fading away. I don't know what peonies look like, but I sure do find 'em in haiku a lot!

Jack Jordan
Date: 5/14/2013 10:22:00 AM

Look at: https://www.google.com/search?q=peonies&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=gmSSUeipNYyF0QH_mIHADw&ved=0COABEIke&biw=1124&bih=601