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Haiku- Hummingbird

deep in the forest hummingbirds drink sweet nectar- slaughtered for feathers ___________________________________ June 30, 2015 Poetry/Haiku/hummingbirds Copyright Protected, ID 15-6856-17-0 All Rights Reserved. Written Under Pseudonym.

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Debbie Guzzi

Date: 7/5/2015 1:33:00 PM

Ok to what is correct 1) numbered untitled [small h on haiku ;)] 2) you have 2 parts! yeah! so you understand that 2 of the lines must be joined gramatically as well as conceptually - that's a big hard thing to get [well it was for me!]3)you have not capitalized! good! what to work on 1) even though a desk haiku can still be a good haiku it must seem plausible both 'parts' of the verse could occur in the same 'frame'

Constance La France
Date: 7/5/2015 2:20:00 PM

Thanks so much Debbie got looking at this haiku at my request, I will need to read over your comments a few times to totally get it but I see that line 3 took it in another directon

Debbie Guzzi
Date: 7/5/2015 1:39:00 PM

SO is it believable, is it objective that we would see a hummingbird feeding and the remains of a dead bird in the same 'snapshot' so to speak? - also it is best to stick to 1 object [not a rule but it tightens the focus & haiku is all about a tight sharp focus] [in the old orchard/a hummingbird sips nectar:] the verse should be about to stand alone - now line 3 still stay objective - try using a different scense BECAUSE sound & scent can come into the frame from outside of it yes?

Eve Roper

Date: 7/2/2015 7:07:00 PM

Love the write, B.W. a 7 Hugs Eve

Kp Nunez

Date: 7/2/2015 9:55:00 AM

Ouch! That's just too much...powerful 'ku, Broken. GL in the contest!

Nette Onclaud

Date: 7/1/2015 9:16:00 AM

powerful read, constance... we need not use animal skin or plumes for fashion's vanity!..huggs

Tim Ryerson

Date: 7/1/2015 4:50:00 AM

Well, I learned a troubling and tragic fact from this gem of yours my friend...I had no IDEA this slaughter was being practiced! Whoever does this deserves the same...Will be looking out for your poem inspired by that rude blog comment. Have a great day dear lady - Tim

Constance La France
Date: 7/1/2015 7:54:00 AM

Tim, working on the poem today, the title will be The Butterfly and the Dragon

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 7/1/2015 1:42:00 AM

this is a tragic way to view the end of a hummingbird. why they are made to keep the beauty going. Nicely pinned Broken. love it. LINDA

Dr. Upma A. Sharma

Date: 6/30/2015 10:29:00 PM

Wonderful write Broken wings! quite an emotive one!

Judy Konos

Date: 6/30/2015 10:21:00 PM

OUCH! That's beautiful and frightening....great poetry....thanks

Connie Marcum Wong

Date: 6/30/2015 8:14:00 PM

It is so true how cruel some can be to not respect the beauty of this bird, to only be encapsulated by greed. Very moving Constance!

Constance La France

Date: 6/30/2015 7:31:00 PM

At the end of the 19th century millions of hummingbirds were slaughtered for their feathers to decorate ladies hats and clothes and also for the manufacture of feather pictures, ornaments and artificial flower decorations, some species hunted to extinction.