Grief: a Question

Is this what paralysis is? A body in a state of motion But not quite. A heart in Turbulence but now a wrinkle On the face. The continuous Jolts, the shivers, that feeling Of falling and breaking. Then Standing up and falling again. Your poetry crying for help and I, holding myself back, just to not fall the way I did earlier but does it matter now? Does it? When you are gone and I am falling again; failing again. Is this what paralysis is? The Numbness, the dying inside. All the songs feels so wrong, The music, taking form of you, Your person, your body and Fading, like you did, like I am. Your words making sense now, those words have become you and I want to tell you that they are beautiful. Is this what paralysis is? The guilt, the grief, the hollowness; nothingness. I am trapped between the could've And should've. Trying to remember Your voice, making up scenarios And hoping that one day I'll wake up And I'll see you, standing there and I'll be there, like you wanted me to. I am trying to remember what you Sounded like in hopes that I'll never Forget. Is this what paralysis is? Lifelessness, forceful speeches and Silence, long long silence.