Gone

Gone I’m hurting deep inside, Heart shattered And the pain so hard to hide. All that mattered Like stories in the sand Taken with the tide. Yes my ego is battered But I know these bruises Are much deeper Than the mask of my pride. I can’t bear to see my eyes Reflected in the mirror of my grey life, For I really thought I could rise And you would become my wife. But my boat capsized And the sea has swallowed The dreams that were inside, For the holes are much deeper Than the mask of my pride. I am truly grateful, For, you gave me the best years I have ever known And I really thought I had finally found a home. I felt your need for intimacy But even when you stopped sharing And talking to me I never stopped caring Or treating you respectfully. But I never understood why The one I gave my trust, Started to lie? Yes finally, my belief is crushed And something inside has died, For these cuts are much deeper Then the mask of my pride. I was someone you could lean on, You said I was your tree, But when I didn’t feel strong You wouldn’t open your heart to me, But my love was pure And I thought you were my destiny. I have always fought for you, Covered your back And stood by your side, Even dared to be naked with nothing to hide. And courageous enough To put aside The mask of my pride. She is gone And so am I, Took all that is precious And never said goodbye, I have my guesses But I really don’t know why, Was it the lack of successes? The shape I’m in? Or the kind of man She wanted me to be? Your silence is so deafening, But maybe it’s pure stupidity To expect someone to stay With a person who has ADHD? A friend says: “how are you today?” And then his eyes seem like stone When I don’t know what to say, So I prefer to be alone. Mostly when I’m with people, I feel used up and old And somehow never enough, The only way seems to be cold, Clever and tough, So when I go outside, Dark glasses on, cap pulled low And again, I wear the impenetrable Mask of my pride. Sangeet Portals 2024