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Gone

I’m hurting deep inside,
Heart shattered 
And the pain so hard to hide.
All that mattered
Like stories in the sand
Taken with the tide.
Yes my ego is battered
But I know these bruises
Are much deeper
Than the mask of my pride.

I can’t bear to see my eyes
Reflected in the mirror of my grey life,
For I really thought I could rise
And you would become my wife.
But my boat capsized
And the sea has swallowed 
The dreams that were inside, 
For the holes are much deeper
Than the mask of my pride.

I am truly grateful,
For, you gave me the best years 
I have ever known
And I really thought 
I had finally found a home.
I felt your need for intimacy
But even when you stopped sharing
And talking to me
I never stopped caring 
Or treating you respectfully.
But I never understood why 
The one I gave my trust, 
Started to lie?
Yes finally, my belief is crushed 
And something inside has died,
For these cuts are much deeper 
Then the mask of my pride.





I was someone you could lean on,
You said I was your tree,
But when I didn’t feel strong 
You wouldn’t open your heart to me, 
But my love was pure 
And I thought you were my destiny.
I have always fought for you,
Covered your back
And stood by your side,
Even dared to be naked 
with nothing to hide.
And courageous enough 
To put aside
The mask of my pride. 

She is gone
And so am I, 
Took all that is precious 
And never said goodbye,
I have my guesses 
But I really don’t know why,
Was it the lack of successes?
The shape I’m in?
Or the kind of man
She wanted me to be?
Your silence is so deafening,
But maybe it’s pure stupidity 
To expect someone to stay 
With a person who has ADHD?

A friend says: “how are you today?”
And then his eyes seem like stone 
When I don’t know what to say,
So I prefer to be alone.
Mostly when I’m with people, 
I feel used up and old 
And somehow never enough, 
The only way seems to be cold,
Clever and tough,
So when I go outside,
Dark glasses on, cap pulled low
And again, I wear the impenetrable
Mask of my pride.

Sangeet Portals 2024
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