Gold Star Sadness

I get straight A’s I show up I say thank you I win medals And never cry In public They say I’m so mature So composed So impressive But no one asks How it feels To carry a coffin Of expectations On a growing spine Being depressed When you’re “so good at everything” Is like drowning In a sea of applause Everyone’s clapping While you suffocate Because you’re not allowed To fall apart When you look So put together They see trophies Not the tremors They hear the speech Not the silence Between breaths I’m the one they call When they need something But I Don’t even know What I need And the worst part is I keep performing Because I don’t know how to stop Without disappearing