Going mad

Im not living my life im just trying to kill time I havent felt good in a long time it seems to be some kind of depression but i refuse any medication i wake up crying and fall asleep same way i have hard time keeping my face from dropping on the floor in a puddle of blood i really want to no longer feel the burden i am the burden Burden that is me and everything about me mirror reflection looks at me with souless expression like a doll it seems to be dreadfully odd and strange yet not a living being Strange type of teryffing being I want to pull my skin off and forget that i ever had it on my face People whisper things about me that i deem as unkind yet they claim as harsh truth who is right and who is wrong? we will never know Beacusse I mearly exist in my own head and not to anyone else like a ghost i simply wander around attempting to hide my shameful existence from everyone else as they look at me and laugh while i try not to attack What do i get for my kindess? laughs and disgust from the side of their eyes They find my dripping bloody face amusing its so incredibly amusing i think im going mad, talking to myself about life and death about looks and peronality about love and hate i dont know what to say All i know is that i and everyone else hate myself and wish death upon my face