Going Home Someday

So much time has went by, All I can remember is wanting to die. Happiness has been erased, With all the pain I have faced. Longing to feel loved within, Which is something that has never been. I wish it would all go away, But I have to face it everyday. I know you say I am to blame, It's been hard living with the shame. I have tried to always be by your side, Even when I just wanted to run and hide. Fake smiles are a thing I do well, Even when I am going through hell. Not wanting people to know, My true feelings I seldom show. The past keeps flooding through, But, Oh how I do forgive you. I wanted to end my life back then, But now I know it is an unforgivable sin. Growing up feeling I didn't fit in, Your praise I could never win. Family is suppose to make you feel secure, Not cause pain that's hard to endure. I've grown up now, And made it throug it all somehow. I have cheildren of my own, Praying these feelings they will have never known. God has a plan for me, Even though I may not be able it to see. I pray for God to show me the way, So I can go home to heaven some day.