God's Plan
Click! Click!
Scribble, scribble
Don't know how to start
All I know is I have to write
Been sitting on some deep thoughts
And even deeper emotions
My last poem revealed my darkest thoughts
But here's the thing
If God is real I'm probably going to Hell
I thought I had my own plan
Going down this road alone
But I wish I had faith
To believe in some higher power
To convince me God had a plan for me
Because I'm cold, alone, and stressed
It feels like the whole world's against me
And nobody's taking my side
I've made terrible mistakes
That eat at my mind every night
And I can't find forgiveness
Because I have no god to pray to
Yeah, no god to pray to
Click! Click! ...Click!
My ink just ran out, but that's fine
In my mind I write Pulitzer prize winning poems
Filled with complex lines and it shines
In my mind my voice is deep and full of bass
So I can drop these lines with authority
But the truth is I want a higher authority
I want to look up to the sky
And think a loving creator awaits
When I finally pass from this Earth
I want to believe in the pearly gates
And a fate laid out just for me
I want to believe my existence
Is more than some luck of the draw
That someone loves me unconditionally
That someone out there has my back
Because all I know is this dark world
Sitting all alone with only my thoughts for comfort
But they aren't even enough
To keep me from descending again and again
Because I have nobody to believe in me
Yeah, nobody to believe in me
Click! Click! Click!
I guess I just want to say sorry
I didn't grow up enough to confront adult emotions
I'm just a little boy inside way out of his depth
And I keep descending deeper and deeper
And the deeper I descend the more my soul drowns
Inside my head I'm just crying out again and again
Hoping some radiant light from above will save me
I searched the alleyways and the gallows
But I never found God's comforting embrace
I only ever felt my soul fracture over and over
Because my soul has become empty
And I can't find love to fill it up
And I'm sorry that I feel this way
You did your best for me but I can't see it
You might have created me with loving intentions
But all that did was pave my road to Hell
Truth is I feel lost without you
Feeling like the world is better off without me
And everything is slowly closing in
Because I can't find the faith
Yeah, I can't find the faith
If only I had God's eyes
To see He has a plan for me
Copyright © Christopher Goss | Year Posted 2019
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