God Has a Reason

God’s plan has worked beautifully. I now know what sixteen days of pure hell feels like. I understand more about chronic pain, and I will have more empathy than ever before. I had no idea this was going to be my introduction to my summer vacation. God has a plan. It is much bigger than mine, so I cannot buck it. This introduction to the world of pain has been a nightmare that I hope to wake up and walk away from. Every day I say “Tomorrow I will be pain-free.” I am so ready for that. In God’s time. Not mine. In God’s way. Not mine. A reminder that I am not in charge here. That I have no say in the when or where of it at all. I am helpless, a minion, fighting exhaustion and lack of sleep due to pain and pills. My exhaustive efforts have in no way brought me the relief I thought they might. I have used creams, salves, ointments, and I have been on fourteen different medications diagnosed by seven different doctors or nurse practitioners. God has a reason. I sure wonder what it is…. And when will it be satisfied?