Go West, Young Man

~ Corny Narrative ~ Go west, young man, he was told, so he did He was only eighteen, a big raw-boned kid His girl still back east, a lump in his throat A high price to pay to sow his wild oats So, he plunked down in Kansas, Prairie Land Just a spade, a horse, and his two strong hands He carved him a dug-out under the ground He'd laugh at the wind and coyote sounds He tilled that soil, and he planted his crops Corn for millet, then potatoes for hops For himself, he'd whip up some rabbit stew He was gonna be fine, gonna make do Now you're all waiting for that 'shoe to drop' But there's no 'but;' his good luck didn't stop Corn sprung up high, potatoes a-plenty New settlers came, around about twenty So he sent for his girl the love of his life They'd marry, have kids, she'd be a fine wife Well, she took one look, went back to New York Said, "There ain't any pigs, I only eat pork!"