Global Warming

Global Warming Thawed ice on Poles, polar bears have moved into towns, walk about looking for ice. One lives in my garden I feed it herrings it plays with plastic sheets and sucking on golf balls. Occasionally it also feeds on seagulls stupid enough to land there. Sea has risen; seals wander up high streets, pretend to be cute dogs; people who take them in find the beast occupying the bathtub, refuses to leave, good people will have to wash in the kitchen sink. Poles are barren, only ice cubs in my freezer. I feel guilty when putting ice in my whisky, lest my bear hears the jangle. One can’t give alcohol to animals, they’ll think they are French, drink absinthe, eat frogs and snails; behave with urban sophistication and buy elegant Dior dresses.