GIRLCROOSH: INSTRUCTIONS ON FINALLY FEELING OKAY

Try to get out of bed early, try to make your bed. Inhale. Your off-white bedsheets haven’t been washed in a month. Try purchasing a new detergent, one of those that’s petal-scented: 2 in 1 Aroma Boost Spring Daydream Wash. Try smiling in the mirror; especially If you have dimples. They’re the new “it” thing. Inhale. Do yoga. Do yoga and dance. Catch your breath. Go on YouTube and search up Boho Beautiful, pretend you’re a clean-girl white-flare has-it-together pilates almond mom. Make a protein powder banana-peanutbutter shake. Ignore its soil taste. Inhale and purchase some lululemon leggings. Write out your feelings. Inhale. Lie to your journal about the ache hosted in your ribs. Call it your “self-reflective daily diary,” where you Write about a fond memory, your [insert therapy term] place, pretend your year-long headache isn’t pumping your eyes out anymore. Write about your childhood. Write about the dog you never had. Act like you finally know what’s caused your hollow. Travel. Book your Ryanair all-exclusive roundtrip to Hanoi. Book a tourist bus. Go on a zip line. There, you will find yourself, and when that stranger Puts a conical hat on your head You will thank them for healing you. You will return, completely changed, smelling Like hibiscus flowers. Inhale and call your friends. They’d love to hear from you. Just not during your 5 AM seeping into icy bathroom floor tiles, or the third day in which you’ve needed to take extra sleeping pills that made the window light look hazy. Call them. Just make sure it isn’t during their own self-reflective cinnamon candle eating ritual. NEED MORE TIPS ON HOW TO FEEL BETTER? SUBSCRIBE: ONLY $5.99/MONTH! Inhale. There’s still time to save yourself.