Trudy Schrader | + Follow Poet |
Free verse | + Fav Poem | Comment | Email | Print |

Getting By God

Growing up, I became aware of you
As the god you gotta get by
The things I truly desired, silent
Covered fitly in "not good" sighs

In my day, children were barely seen
And their words never contradict
All the will and "well meaning" adults
Who in secret, were derelicts

.....dressed in their Sunday Best

I found that path to be empty lies
Piled upon servitude and obligation
Supernatural experiences,periodically
Seemed to break up the monotonous sensation
....of life

Life, that was no life, and I called you on it
Show up, be real, or get the hay out of dodge
...YOU DID
I began to walk with you, talk with you, know you
Made a place in my heart where you could lodge

...in moments when it was safe to FEEL

For over thirty years, you have been there
As the getting by god
No matter what sorrow, suffering
Or rocky, difficult road I was asked to trod....through

Now, you want me to leave all of my coping tools
My well constructed, very familiar workbench
And follow you...into new...without a clue
......darkness, really!?!

I've been set up, I have lost the ability to dream
My joy drained in every advance of the enemy
Again and again, I got up and walked
Irritated at what you required of me

I trust you.....but I have long since 
Enjoyed your company
Have forgotten how to know your heart
Thinking, what's the point of you hearing mine

The tremendous loss of what I could have been
And the utter disappointment of who you made me to be
Drains me...I'm light-headed

I need a reset...

Written by Trudy Schrader on 01-17-2022

Note: Not a work of art. I just needed to process. Thanks for viewing.

Please Login to post a comment