Getting By God

Growing up, I became aware of you As the god you gotta get by The things I truly desired, silent Covered fitly in "not good" sighs In my day, children were barely seen And their words never contradict All the will and "well meaning" adults Who in secret, were derelicts .....dressed in their Sunday Best I found that path to be empty lies Piled upon servitude and obligation Supernatural experiences,periodically Seemed to break up the monotonous sensation ....of life Life, that was no life, and I called you on it Show up, be real, or get the hay out of dodge ...YOU DID I began to walk with you, talk with you, know you Made a place in my heart where you could lodge ...in moments when it was safe to FEEL For over thirty years, you have been there As the getting by god No matter what sorrow, suffering Or rocky, difficult road I was asked to trod....through Now, you want me to leave all of my coping tools My well constructed, very familiar workbench And follow you...into new...without a clue ......darkness, really!?! I've been set up, I have lost the ability to dream My joy drained in every advance of the enemy Again and again, I got up and walked Irritated at what you required of me I trust you.....but I have long since Enjoyed your company Have forgotten how to know your heart Thinking, what's the point of you hearing mine The tremendous loss of what I could have been And the utter disappointment of who you made me to be Drains me...I'm light-headed I need a reset... Written by Trudy Schrader on 01-17-2022 Note: Not a work of art. I just needed to process. Thanks for viewing.