Get Over Yourself

dread weight portends a churning belly-ache the day sinking ...... relentless countdown to the frowning hours before the night of fitful sleep awakes disturbed that day is now here ...... too soon the unwelcome light numb propulsion, impending imminent door opening ...... pounding heart, cold palms sweat and muscles tense room full of others with turning eyes, closing ranks see inside myself ...... projected back, enquiring looks I am they, all watching and they are right feedback feeding ...... clenched fist focus on self-fulfilling fool someone speaks to me! to me! I feel the blood surge as flushed cheeks inflame ...... and amplify my distress slight surprise, recoil, rebuffed dismissal stranded squirming ...... cornered, hurried walk to any doorway blunder into the venue hall, seats at the back anonymity ...... breathe once more, escape route planned steal away, out of sight, try to regroup reprocessing ...... unravelled depressing disappointment sucker punched, floored again, selfish whimper referee above...... whispers " get over yourself "