Fruitless

(TW Infertility) My body is built to bear children. I must stop comparing my body to those of women who are simply built.... differently than I am. My stretch marks are an atlas of the paths I've walked. From adolescence to womanhood, I have a story. My body tells, my story. I'm coming to accept that I will simply never be that small, and it is not something to be shameful about. I'm coming to accept this with little anecdotes, such as, my body is built to bear children. But I still have days, where I feel like I am... too much. On those days, I try to make myself smaller on my couch; but only end up making myself larger with each handful I shovel to the pit, in the bottom of my stomach. What can I use to console myself when my disappointment in my looks is all consuming. So much so that the doubtful light at the end of the tunnel is more tempting than the sun. And what happens...where does my anecdote go when, the children never come? When my gynecologist finds similes in words such as 'barren' or 'empty' My body-was, built to bear children.