Free Fall

I don't know why i always manage to hurt myself on nights like this The pain lacks thought and doubt perhaps that's it (and people don't think i'm a massachist) it's dull and aching, sharp and tight it lets me fall asleep at night how do i fall so frequently? like painting, strokes of crimson steal my breath even as i try to leave the line between numb and emotionally dead just please explain to me how words and touch seem linked by need how striking stark innocent blood leaves not my wrists only my heart sometimes it's all i can do to run towards touch an anchor a gateway keeping me from tripping across the lines no fear, just pain, joy, love, heart ripping grief most of it not mine but always with that piece of me that longs to live extremes scream for the joy of life and song, cut to the quick of my being with sharpest knife of pain. too bad i'm not there. it only drowns me on late nights with too much thought and not enough emotion i start going numb so stop it from spreading this is how