Forgive Me

IT MAY B 2 LATE 4 APOLOGIES. THAT'S WHAT I FEAR THE MOST. I KNOW I'VE FAILED U 3 BOY'S I WISH I COULD TURN BACK TIME, & CHANGE THINGS SO WE COULD B TOGETHER. I NEVER MEANT 4 ANY OF THIS 2 HAPPEN. I WANT THE 3 OF U 2 KNOW THAT NOT A DAY GOES BY WHEN U AREN'T IN MY THOUGHTS. MY HEART BLEEDS, MY EYES FLOOD. MOST OF THE TIME I CAN'T EVEN FIND THE WORDS 2 DESCRIBE THE AGONY I GO THROUGH EACH DAY. I CAN BARELY FIND THE STRENGTH 2 GET OF OF BED. MANY NIGHTS, I LAY AWAKE & LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AT THE SKY. I WHISPER "GOOD NIGHT" WITH HOPES UR LOOKING AT & WISHING UPON THE SAME STAR. I WISH THERE WAS A WAY 2 EASE THIS PAIN. I DON'T THINK I CAN HURT ANYMORE. MY EYES R SWOLLEN & RED. WHAT I DID 2 U BOYS WAS SO UNFAIR. WHAT ONCE WERE HOPES & DREAMS ABOUT OUR FUTURES OUR NOW BUT "WHAT - IFS" WHAT IF UR UNHAPPY OR UNSAFE? UR PICTURES REMAIN ON MY WALLS I'LL NEVER TAKE THEM DOWN. I CAN'T ENTERTAIN ANYMORE PEOPLE ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT MY 3 BEAUTIFUL KIDS, ONLY PHOTOS TO SEE. I BREAK INTO A FIT OF TEARS EVERY TIME I GIVE AN ANSWER. WHOEVER SAID "IT'S BETTER 2 HAVE LOVED & LOST THAN 2 NOT HAVE LOVED AT ALL" IM SCARED FOREVER THE DAY U BOY'S COMPLETELY DISOWN ME. I'M SORRY I WASN'T THERE 4 U LIKE I SHOULD OF BEEN. I'M SORRY I WASN'T A BETTER MOM 4 U, I DID THE BEST I COULD, APPARENTLY MY BEST WASN'T ENOUGH. DAD ALWAYS KEPT U FROM ME. IM NOT SURE OF THE REASON; I DONT THINK I'LL EVER KNOW. THE DAY U BOYS WENT 2 LIVE WITH DAD, WAS THE LAST DAY OF MY LIFE. MY REASON 4 BEING; WERE RIPPED FROM MY EMBRACE. MY HEART HAS GROWN WEAK; MY SPIRIT DESTROYED. MY HOPES R DEAD; I MAY AS WELL BE TOO. I FAILED U AS A MOTHER. I FAILED MY FAMILY. I FAILED MYSELF. I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO FIND MY WAY BACK. I'VE BEEN GONE 4 FAR 2 LONG. I THINK OF YOUR BIRTHDAYS. X-MAS DOESN'T MEAN THE SAME 2 ME ANYMORE ITS A HOLIDAY THAT I'D RATHER NOT FACE. IT'S LONELY, DEPRESSING & FULL OF HEARTACHE. RIGHT NOW THE ONLY THING THAT IS KEEPING ME GOING, IS THE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE, 12 - 15 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD U WILL LOVE ME AND ALLOW ME 2 B A PART OF UR LIFE. I WILL UNDERSTAND IF U WON'T. I KNOW THERE WILL PROBABLY B ALOT OF RESENTMENT & FEELINGS OF ABANDONMENT. I ONLY HOPE U WILL GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO EXPLAIN 2 U THE SITUATION & ALLOW ME 2 PROVE MYSELF TO THE 3 OF U THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN TOLD; NO MATTER WHAT U BELIEVE; I LOVE U MORE THAN U WILL EVER NO. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U.. I HOPE UR SAFE & HAPPY. I HOPE THAT U TAKE CARE OF 1 ANOTHER I HOPE & PRAY I WILL BE ABLE 2 ONCE AGAIN C U BOYS