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Forgive Me

IT MAY B 2 LATE 4 APOLOGIES.
THAT'S WHAT I FEAR THE MOST.
I KNOW I'VE FAILED U 3 BOY'S 
I WISH I COULD TURN BACK TIME,
& CHANGE THINGS SO WE COULD B TOGETHER.
I NEVER MEANT 4 ANY OF THIS 2 HAPPEN.
I WANT THE 3 OF U 2 KNOW
THAT NOT A DAY GOES BY WHEN
U AREN'T IN MY THOUGHTS.
MY HEART BLEEDS, MY EYES FLOOD.
MOST OF THE TIME I CAN'T EVEN FIND
THE WORDS 2 DESCRIBE THE AGONY
I GO THROUGH EACH DAY.
I CAN BARELY FIND THE STRENGTH
2 GET OF OF BED.
MANY NIGHTS, I LAY AWAKE & LOOK
OUT THE WINDOW AT THE SKY.
I WHISPER "GOOD NIGHT" WITH HOPES
UR LOOKING AT & WISHING UPON
THE SAME STAR.
I WISH THERE WAS A WAY 2 EASE THIS PAIN.
I DON'T THINK I CAN HURT ANYMORE.
MY EYES R SWOLLEN & RED.
WHAT I DID 2 U BOYS WAS
SO UNFAIR.
WHAT ONCE WERE HOPES & DREAMS
ABOUT OUR FUTURES OUR NOW
BUT "WHAT - IFS"
WHAT IF UR UNHAPPY OR UNSAFE?
UR PICTURES REMAIN ON MY WALLS
I'LL NEVER TAKE THEM DOWN.
I CAN'T ENTERTAIN ANYMORE
PEOPLE ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT
MY 3 BEAUTIFUL KIDS, ONLY PHOTOS TO SEE.
I BREAK INTO A FIT OF TEARS EVERY
TIME I GIVE AN ANSWER.
WHOEVER SAID "IT'S BETTER 2 HAVE 
LOVED & LOST THAN 2 NOT HAVE LOVED AT ALL" 
IM SCARED FOREVER THE DAY U BOY'S
COMPLETELY DISOWN ME.
I'M SORRY I WASN'T THERE 4 U
LIKE I SHOULD OF BEEN.
I'M SORRY I WASN'T A BETTER MOM 4 U,
I DID THE BEST I COULD,
APPARENTLY MY BEST WASN'T ENOUGH.
DAD ALWAYS KEPT U FROM ME.
IM NOT SURE OF THE REASON;
I DONT THINK I'LL EVER KNOW.
THE DAY U BOYS WENT 2 LIVE
WITH DAD,  WAS THE LAST DAY OF MY LIFE.
MY REASON 4 BEING; 
WERE RIPPED FROM MY EMBRACE.
MY HEART HAS GROWN WEAK;
MY SPIRIT DESTROYED. MY HOPES R DEAD; 
I MAY AS WELL BE TOO.
I FAILED U AS A MOTHER.
I FAILED MY FAMILY.
I FAILED MYSELF.
I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER BE ABLE
TO FIND MY WAY BACK.
I'VE BEEN GONE 4 FAR 2 LONG.
I THINK OF YOUR BIRTHDAYS.
X-MAS DOESN'T MEAN THE SAME 2 ME ANYMORE
ITS A HOLIDAY THAT I'D RATHER NOT FACE.
IT'S LONELY, DEPRESSING & 
FULL OF HEARTACHE.
RIGHT NOW THE ONLY THING THAT
IS KEEPING ME GOING, IS THE
THOUGHT THAT MAYBE, 12 - 15 YEARS
DOWN THE ROAD U WILL LOVE ME
AND ALLOW ME 2 B A PART OF UR LIFE.
I WILL UNDERSTAND IF U WON'T.
I KNOW THERE WILL PROBABLY B ALOT
OF RESENTMENT & FEELINGS
OF ABANDONMENT.
I ONLY HOPE U WILL GIVE ME THE
CHANCE TO EXPLAIN 2 U THE
SITUATION & ALLOW ME 2 PROVE
MYSELF TO THE 3 OF U THAT NO 
MATTER WHAT YOU'VE BEEN TOLD;
NO MATTER WHAT U BELIEVE;
I LOVE U MORE THAN U WILL EVER NO.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE U..
I HOPE UR SAFE & HAPPY.
I HOPE THAT U TAKE CARE OF 1 ANOTHER
I HOPE & PRAY I WILL BE ABLE 2 ONCE AGAIN C U BOYS

Copyright © Missy Demont | Year Posted 2019

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