For Cameron

i know these sleepless nights would be easier if i could only wrap myself around you. if i could burrow into that precious cavity underneath your ribs that bleeds only for me i know that my frenetic mind could settle, if only for a few hours. if i could roll over and pull your arms tight around my middle and feel the indomitable weight of you at my back i know that these butterflies -- acrobats, anarchic artists, apathetic mutineers causing ruckus simply because they can -- will settle into warm fields of soft pink wildflowers and fresh mountain breezes that pull me into a sleep so familiar and deep that i am suddenly home. if i could entwine our legs beneath shared sheets and blankets fortified in every stitch with the encouragement and support our love is built upon i know that my soul would be grounded and my feet would no longer ache from the relentless urge to run away and live in broken solitude. if i could lay my head down on this pillow right next to yours and hear the bespoke lullaby God plays in your breathing i know that my lungs and heart and eyes would fill close to spilling over with air and joy and tears and replace the expanse of emptiness that threatens to take over me daily. and if i could wake in the morning with you at my side and your hands warm on my waist i know that the day would not feel as wildly daunting because anything that halts my mind and makes my breathing shift into something unbearably heavy can be faced with images of you sleepy in my arms with your eyes half lidded and your mouth tugged up in an idle grin because you got to wake up next to me.