Flowers Covered In Blood

This is my first time writing in a long time A lot of thoughts but in the wrong mind I've been hiding this pain so long I've not been strong enough to change what's wrong Taking care of my elderly sick mother is taking a toll on me I grew up in foster care, so I never thought she would have a hold on me This is hidden trauma mixed with depression and a lot of bottled emotions I wasn't given armour, I'd be lying if I said I've not been broken We judge ourselves for flaws but still find a flower beautiful if it has a petal missing I started to realise you can only grow if you find a better system My roses probably come covered in blood to display beauty in my scars I just hope the traumatic events don't take away beauty from my heart It can be difficult to come to terms with the pain you've had in the past Seeing who was holding the knife hurt more than the stab in the back Betrayal from someone you loved gives you the coldest feel Now you've got a new scar before the old one heals I was close to giving up because I have less options I feel death knocking, my heart's broken and my head's rocking Would I be able to write if I had less problems? I've been holding on to this pain for too long when it's best forgotten I was using girls as a bandage to heal wounds they didn't cause Relationships full of unspoken words and hidden thoughts Growing is realising they deserved more while my scars make me feel like I deserve less I'll give my heart to a girl one day, but I haven't realised my worth yet The past few years have left me Heartbroken, maybe one day I'll rediscover the love Overcome this depression and find the best version of myself I gave up self-harming, now I'm back to writing, I'll pick up the pen when I'm searching for help There's beauty in pain, I'm no longer ashamed that my flowers come covered in blood