Fish Out of Water

I'm in a little bit of pain love, I just slit my vein love, the color is draining from my face as the blood drains from my veins love, do you really believe in love, love?, Do you believe in kindness, do you believe that what we want in this life we can find it, do you think the world will ever change?, Am I too stange to exist love?, Am I deranged ? The pain only persists love, I try to find hope from above but I see a dove fly only to crash into bricks love, would this feeling ever truly go away love? Torn and scorned, wishing she was never born, birthed on this Earth that's distorted, pro-life but conflicted cause she wishes she was aborted, I'm feeling cold love ,a feeling I know well love, what do you think being dead feels like love? Do you think it tastes like freedom and smells like a lovely song ,do you think it looks like birds chirping or a fish outa water, do you think death is nicer world to roam ,do you know that death is a thought in which I always felt at home, would you hate me if I went home love? Would you curse me as you dwell in the world of the living or would you understand and be forgiving? Should I apply pressure to this wound love, am I leaving this world too soon love? Or should I continue to bleed out as I cry and ask the world why, why are you the way that you are, why am I the way that I am? Is this truly part of the plan, this hand I am dealt ,my palms are clammy, this game has been a calamity, Is there a time where the dust will settle and I rebuild from the ruins,I've done this before but I feel defeated, laying on the ground white flag half up, uncertain ,on the boarderlands of life and death not knowing which front I'm in favor of most days, lost in the haze, dead soul reaps in my gaze, vacancy ,seeking a vacation from the anquish, but maybe I have relinquished hope and maybe this is what made things hopeless, do you feel hopeful love?, do you count your blessings from above love?, have I fallen ill due to lack of gratitude love? What should I do with this cut love? Should I let it bleed me dry or try to sew it up love? I don't know what to do so I'm having this hypothetical conversation with you in my head as I debate on if not I'd be happier and better off dead