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First To Fall

O canc'rous creature enmeshed within me, Thou art first - yes, the worst - capital fault. You won't work in shadows - others must see, Yet you hide in plain sight while you assault - The crystalline castle you seek to break; Any light that's not yours is blasphemy! Collect ugly sins ne'er claiming them fake. But they're part of your twisted symphony. Not perfect, but you ... what could be more true? Can't betray yourself, so you'll look beyond. Bend light to yourself. Consume! Conquer! Do! Ignore soft cries when they try to respond. Begone now demon from my diamond hall. If you must be first ... then be first to fall! 8 October 2023 Inspired by introduction to St. Teresa's "Interior Castle"

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Tom Woody

Date: 10/8/2023 2:53:00 PM

Wow! I've never read a sonnet that attempted a verbal slaying of the cancer beast. And the last two lines are nearly perfect Iambic meter. If it were me, I'd add "the" to the last line, ie "then be the first to fall." True, it would push the syllable count to 11, but the rhythm achieved would be worth it, imho

Tom Woody
Date: 10/8/2023 4:02:00 PM

Kewl

J. I. Thomas F.
Date: 10/8/2023 3:48:00 PM

Thanks for the read; I'll consider the change - I'm always hesitant to add "the" unless necessary (I think leaving it out often keeps word quality higher) and I am a sucker for 140 syllable sonnets, but definitely a lot to be said for rhythm and flow.