First Thing You Should Know

First thing you should know, is that this isn’t a poem, this isn’t a story, this isn’t a song, these are just words I write to hopefully ease the pain. Alone, bitterness, horror, emptiness, loss of basic will. How is it you could do this to me, how can your absence leave me so bereaved to the world. I try to smile, but it never reaches my eyes, I try to laugh but it never reaches my heart. It’s like your absence has left a damn in my veins, blocking any emotion, but pain to pass through. How is it your absence, can so drastically change my daily life. How can I sit in a house surrounded by loving caring friends, and still feel utterly alone. How is it that I couldn’t explain how much I loved you, and now I can’t seem to explain how much this hurts. How could we go from being so perfect, that our friends envied us, to feeling like were better apart. How does the alcohol, and cigarettes not dull the pain. Hell for that matter what can. What can make the absolute horror of losing the one thing that made everything worth it, go away. How do you go on when you lose that. If I feel like I could never have left you, that I would have always tried, but u left me, does that mean it was all one sided. How could it be so easy for you to move on, whilst I’m still crippled by pain. And if it was only one sided what does that mean for me, if you were THE ONE but I wasn’t yours where does that leave the rest of my life. Am I doomed to walk this plane in misery. Will I be much like this computer I sit in front of, lonely, devoid of all meaning until someone has a use for it, operating only because someone else tells it too. But then again, what if it wasn’t all one sided, what if I was THE ONE for you as well, what does that mean, will I find a way to get back to you, how long will it take, what will it take, is it possible. Everyone has a story of loss and of pain, but for some reason I don’t believe they understand, much the way they didn’t understand our love. First thing you should know, is that this isn’t a poem, this isn’t a story, this isn’t a song, these are just words I write to hopefully ease the pain.