Fireworks

cherry bombs convulse
their fuse burns painfully fast
lesson learned, no thumb

funnysadsenryu

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FJ Thomas

September 23, 2022 at 9:49 PM

Heck of a way to learn a lesson, yikes! I have read through the comments that you had made changes to your haiku, I very much would have liked to read the original as well :)

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

July 11, 2010 at 7:45 AM

SOUP MAIL.. IMPORTANT .. URGENT ...

Carol Sunshine Brown

July 6, 2010 at 8:30 AM

Congratulations Mac on your win in Deborah Guzzi's contest "Fireworks". Love, Carol

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

July 6, 2010 at 1:56 AM

ouchy!!! lesson learned indeed, Mac! congrats on your win with this one--glad you didn't withdraw it , and yes I definitely learned from Deborah's tips-a ton of thanks to her ^_^ --nikko :)

Andrea Dietrich

July 5, 2010 at 1:41 PM

Congratulations, Mac. A warning one!!

Elaine George

July 5, 2010 at 9:34 AM

Good one!!!!! Congratulations on yourwin in deborah' contest, Mac. Lainie

Linda-Marie Sweetheart

July 4, 2010 at 6:41 PM

Congrats Mac on your HM for your Haiku in the Fireworks contest with this remarkable write ..enjoy your honor as u celebrate on the 4th in style.. with luv from the "Sweetheart" in Hawaii..on vacation still.. AlohA.. my friend...

Debbie Guzzi

July 3, 2010 at 4:38 AM

Please do not remove it Mac...it is among the best..do not forget your ... after line 2 it indicates the "cut" -- is used also! Haiku do not have titles though. On this site you just put your line one in the title space

Mac Mcgovern

July 2, 2010 at 11:45 PM

Because I have made changes to this poem after submission and accepted Deborah's advise, I have asked Deborah to withdraw this poem from the contest. It is more important to me to accept worthy advise and withdraw from the contest than leave the poem unrevised. Good luck and best wishes to the rest of you poetic warriors. May you all benefit, as I, through your participation in this explosive Fireworks Contest.

Debbie Guzzi

July 2, 2010 at 5:55 PM

Hi Mac I don't care about the 5/7/5 as long as it's not more than 17...I think it would be a stronger senryu without "blow up" line 1..keep the action in line 2 & 3...also no need for extremely in my mind...tweak, or not as you please..most important title is line 1 ...cherry bombs ( small c)