Finding Strength

I used to think I was so weak A sickly spineless shred of humanity Puny, cowardly, skulking I used to think I deserved all of God’s punishments That He was right to bombard me with despair After all I had never done anything to deserve joy… Pathetic weakling that I was, I had been so willing to succumb to malaise Shutting myself away in the fortress of my room Pulling the covers over my head to block out the world Taking all talk of sunshine and hope as cruel blasphemies Each new day I greeted with a sour twisted expression A heart made of granite and coal I never smiled but shed bitter salt tears I took life’s lemons and swallowed them whole Then I complained of the acid taste So it came as no surprise when I stumbled into pitfall after pitfall When body and mind were violated and left half-shattered, I did not utter a word of complaint When my heart was thrown against a wall and smashed I barely even whimpered Why? Because I thought I deserved nothing better But now as night draws in to blanket my soul In a comforting shroud of darkness I come to realize something crucial Despite all the misery and despair and bitter torments Despite the violation and the molestation and the aggravation Despite cruel words and threats and curses Despite being pushed to the ground again and again…and, Oh yes, yet again Still, I continue to rise to my feet Still, I refuse to let my last breath of hope be exhaled from my gasping lungs Still, I raise my head and face the new day I am still here Yes… I am still alive