Figuratively Speaking: a Compendium

Figuratively Speaking... a compendium I’m having slugs for dinner Twelve dozen on toast Some people turn their nose up Apparently that’s gross I’m joining metal plates Using heat to make them meld I haven’t got it finished yet It’s not the end of the weld Noah built an ark And he bought a plastic coat He’s waiting for the rain to come... Whatever floats your boat He couldn’t shift the damned thing Even though he winched it But then he found it moved twelve mil Cos somebody half-inched it I’m tired of being flesh and blood I’d like to change some day If I was made of paper I’d be blown away Four hundred pounds he weighs That’s bigger than me gran He weighs more than a camper-van That’s really heavy man It landed on some azure paint That, as yet, wasn’t dry Then flew around the light bulb Like a blue arsed fly Have you seen a flat-fish With an over made-up face Taking drags from handmade fags It’s fairly common plaice I’ve got three violins One left, one right, one middle I never use the second one I won’t play second fiddle He’s standing on the glued bit Where the pipe split on a bend Slipped off first time he tried it But now he’s on the mend