Jennifer Reynolds Poet Free verse

Fighting To Live

Outwardly I may appear mildly angry.
Inside an inferno rages.
In my head the voices whisper,
and I fight what they tell me,
I blare music to drown it out.
Alone, I fight, as always.
I can't trust anyone enough
to let them in.
I play my part,
and I try hard to hide.
I staple my mask to my face
and the blood trickles down,
on the inside.
Running into my eyes, 
filling my mouth,
and I suffocate on my emotions.
My heart slowly ices over.
I wake each day
hoping my mask won't slip.
Hoping I can control my panic
My despair, my numbness
My misery.
I paint a smile on my face,
on top of the mask,
while the battle rages on 
in my mind.
The voices, they whisper,
they remind me
my guns on my desk,
my pills are in my drawer
They nudge at me while driving
one sharp turn
and I'll be no more.
I can't stop the pain
that's destroying me
Inside.
and still I fight.

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Phil Capitano February 10, 2019 at 9:37 AM Such a deep emotional write, Jennifer, I can't believe no one has told you. It is easy to become mastered by pain but it does not define you only your conditions. There is so much more I'd like to say, I'm not unfamiliar to this topic. Namaste. Jennifer Reynolds February 11, 2019 at 3:09 AM Thank you