Fear of what could be

‘I will die alone’ Is a joke I like to say And laugh at without fail. It is a truth I fear I’ll face But a reality just the same. The truth is I’m afraid. I am filled with fear That not only am I unlovable But I am too much, Too unbearable to be dealt with For the rest of our lives. Likewise I fear men. I listen to crimes Where valued, trusted partners Turn around and kill. How easily found Is a change of heart And the reason they have fallen Is the reason they want out. I fear that change of heart And the fact that I Am no longer their desire, Even years down the line Long past the wedding vows and all. I fear losing the one person I thought would always want me. I fear oncoming pain And undeserved circumstances Because I am the girl That things tend to happen to. So as I joke about dying alone, I wonder if that’s so bad. Is love worth the risk As something like your life? Can't I just find someone Who will love me forever, Consider me worth it.