Fear of Living
When I was a young girl I watched my sister die. It was in the winter,
she slipped on ice ending under the wheels of a truck. My mother
and I stood at the side of the street frozen. I will never forget the
screams of my mother. It echoes in my nightmares. After the accident
I was quiet, too quiet. I never looked at people keeping my eyes on
the ground, never smiled. Of course, my parents took me to a doctor
and were told I was grieving and to just be there to talk. But I did not
want to talk. I did not want to play with other kids preferring to play in
my backyard, or on the front porch where it was nice and safe . . .
fear became entrenched
everything filled me with dread ...
time is an eclipse
As I grew older I kept to myself at school, could spend the day at the
library or at the art gallery, reading and writing but not hanging with
other kids. Writing became important to me, in a journal I wrote my
deepest thoughts, and I wrote stories that in time would become poems.
I was a clinging vine to my family and did not venture far. Walking to
and from school terrified me and I knew it was rooted in my sister's death.
I was filled with panic when I crossed the street. Big trucks really scared
me even when I was in the car. Until, as a young woman I decided that
I needed to confront this fear, that I called fear of living . . .
I rose above fear
going beyond my deep angst . . .
writer transcended
_____________________
August 28, 2021
Poery/Haibun/Fear of Living
Copyright Protected, ID 08-1385-102-28
All Rights Reserved, 2021, Constance La France
Written for the Oremier contest, Fear Transcendence
sponsor, Unseeking Seeker, Judged 08/30/2012
First Place
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