Fathers Day

Fathers Day He began throwing me around I remember it quite well Against a hard wall but he told people I fell When all the abuse began I think I was barely five By the time I was 18 I hated to be alive The first memory of my step dad is when I called him by name I already had a dad so calling him dad wasn't the same I went up to hug him something me and my real dad had done He told me "never to hug him real men don't hug son" Sometimes he would hit me with his belt or a hand I was being beaten so harshly by a very big man I counted over 50 smacks with the belt the bruises you could see But there was no one out there willing to help a child like me He would scream at me for hours sometimes it wasn't quite fair Then he would get mad at me more because I had a blank stare Nothing I did was ever good enough for this man Simple things like coloring, or speaking, or cleaning a pan I was scared for my life because I knew when he got home I was going to be hit or yelled at with a very loud tone This man was a dictator you almost had to ask him to breathe But I was only 7 years old and he knew I couldn't leave My brother was born and he was the best thing since sliced bread I was just a punching bag to dad that kept getting hit in the head He stole my innocence something I'll never get back My whole life’s been scarred from all the attacks I was told over and over I wasn't worth a dime So I was wanting to die I was just biding for time I was forced to grow up with the help of a stick Even now when we talk I almost get sick My mom let this happen so she is as much to blame What they did to a Childs spirit that has never been the same Many times as a child growing up I dreamed of killing this man But I was so scared of this guy and I couldn't come up with a plan The hatred I feel from what I had lost as a child Still haunts me this day and when he suffers I smile God please help me and take away the pain from my past Because it's killing me slowly and I know I won't last The pain in my gut when I'm around him is great That's probably why I stay so busy and put so much on my plate My story goes on and I probably should close Oh yeah I forget the SOB almost broke my nose