Fast Forward

8 years old and friends with reality Lost my innocents at a time that was too early. And though I was always afraid of the night, at 8 I learned monsters can walk in daylight. He never should have touched me. Fast forward At 14 I met an older boy online and I thought about him all the time but turns he didn't like me for my mind. Fast forward. 15 I met a boy who loved me in return but when I denied his desires for intimacy he was very hurt and I felt nothing but guilt. I caved for he wanted more and who was I to make him cry over something so... normal. Fast forward. 18 I was the youngest person there, that I'm pretty sure.. I quickly gave into the party atmosphere. I had to much to drink and I barely remember these two events that link but I do remember that they knew better. One was older "wiser" so he's much more to blame because the other boy to play this game had much more deserved this fame. Fast forward 20. Boyfriend number two, college is where things happen. Though I know his heart was in the right place, that night had no sense of grace. I was broken. Do I let myself hurt with words unspoken or do I tell myself there is nothing you can do now. I often wonder if it's because I am small, adaptable and kind? Maybe you can push me down but you can't push my feelings aside. Why should I have to ask any guy to respect the rights I was born with? Should I be punished for being trusting and caring, traits my parents always had in mind When they wanted their little girl to face the world they wanted her to have love sublime. Now a lampshade constrains me and for that I cannot fully shine but life's moving fast forward and it's not one we can rewind.