Fake Smile

Laying in bed as sleep escapes me Ignoring texts from my ex, someone please tell her she needs to replace me Why do I still think about a dad that didn't even raise me? Depression had me hostage, I don't like the life I've been leading lately I've been using alcohol as a crutch, which is ironic as I struggle to walk after too much Why do I always find new words to write after the chapter is shut? Trying to figure out if I'm scared of love or just incapable? I have a big heart, but there's only certain times of the day that it's available I need to figure out my worth because at times I don't feel valuable as I sit alone and pour myself some alcohol I pick up a pen and let out my emotions, but should they stay within? I've never feared enemies, because I've already been betrayed by friends Grew up in foster care without my parents, so I idolised Eminem as I didn't have a dad figure Trying to create the beautiful frame for a sad picture Anxiety making all of my small problems seem a tad bigger Only recently I discovered that emotion and alcohol can be a bad mixture My poetry book is filled with my pain and secrets I'll cry on the pad, because I refuse to let the world see me at my weakest I've learned to appreciate small victories, because my happiness doesn't last long Now it's time for me to face the world so I'll put my fake smile back on