Fairytales: What If They Swerved
The Frog Who Didn’t Want a Kiss (The Frog Prince)
A frog by the well sat and sighed,
Princess, I know what you’re implied,
But kissing’s a fuss,
And I’d rather discuss...
Why ponds make such terrible rides.
So I’ll turn back to frog and be free,
You keep your prince, he’s better than me!
The Three Little Pigs Who Hired a Planner (The Three Little Pigs)
The pigs sat down with blueprints and tea,
Said, Straw’s cheap, but the wind’s not for me.
Brick takes more time,
But it’ll weather that grime....
And we’ll charge the wolf rent to agree.
The Big Bad Wolf Who Opened a Bakery (Little Red Riding Hood)
The wolf was tired of the chase and the scare,
Of huffing and puffing through thin country air.
He hung up a sign,
Fresh buns, bread, and yummy thyme?
Come in, leave the grandma in there...
Now kids bring cookies to thank him for lunch,
And Grandma says, Best sourdough I’ve ever munched.
The Gingerbread House That Charged Rent (Hansel and Gretel)
The witch in the candy house sighed at the door,
Two kids showed up, and now I’m just all poor.
If you eat all my walls,
You should help with the calls...
Pay rent or you’re sleeping on floor!!
Now Hansel does dishes, and Gretel does brooms,
And the house runs a B&B in candy lined rooms.
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