Fade To Black
Look at me.
What do you notice?
Skin. Bone. A heart.
I am real…but no one sees me.
Though I stand full and dark against the wall I feel as though I blend in.
I fade…into the wall.
But I watched you grow.
You run past me with a smile on your face and a bright Crayola crayon in your hand.
You mark me with the color.
As you run the line extends and I am defiled but it’s…
Nice.
Not that I could say much anyway.
After all…I’m just a wall.
A blank canvas for you to express yourself on
To let your sadness out on
To let your anger out on
But what about me?
Do I not feel?
Look inside and you will see the pipes that are my bones leaking from the weight of the roof I support for you
The boiler that is my heart pumping the steam that I breathe
But I catch it
As you walk by
If you see me breathe…
You’ll run.
If you hear me cry…
You’ll run.
Because, after all…
I’m just a wall.
I don’t want you to run from me
So I’ll just keep doing what I do.
Stay quiet.
But it gets hard when you have your moments.
The little artist in you emerges
And you find me
Waiting to use me as a display board for your work.
You find a spot and stab your art into me with a thumbtack
It penetrates my skin
I take it in
As a mark of your love
You are a friend to me
You are etched into me
But it’s crazy cuz it hurts
But if feels…so...
Good.
I don’t protest
As you stab another hole in my chest
The boiler is strong
So I don’t die.
But I cry…
All the time.
Seven…eight…nine…ten
Ten holes in me where you couldn’t decide if that picture looked better here…
Or there…
Ten bullet holes forever embedded in me accompanied by the bright red mark you left years ago.
Yes it’s faded but it’s still there.
You notice it but you pretend not to
You pretend to pretend that I do not exist.
But I’m here…and always will be.
Ten minutes of stabbing and you still can’t seem to figure out what I’m good for
Until momma screams “Child, just get some Scotch tape,
You’re ****ing up my wall!”
…momma did always have a way with words.
But not even tape can heal my wounds or mend my broken heart.
Time passes on and you forget me.
Everything else is more important to you now
As I fade to black
I still stand to keep the foundation up.
I supported you in the hard times
And didn’t let this house fall.
When you needed to cry
I muffled your tears from the outside world
But I’m still not enough!
You use me as a punching bag now
My paint is peeling and I start to fade
Into shades of gray
The beat of my boiler
Is starting…to slow.
And though you’ll grow older and wiser
And forget me
I still have those marks.
The crayon, the holes, the dent.
I will take them with me to my grave
And I will cry from all that you did to me
I have no soul anymore
I’m not happy anymore
But I will always smile for you.
Because I can’t erase the happiness you made me feel.
The scars seem insignificant
But I still feel
Even though you don’t think I do.
You gave me happiness…you brought me pain
And for you I’d gladly suffer again.
I’ve been with you since you were small…
But you’ll only see me as just a wall.
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