Experienced Drivers

I was asked to read some poetry down at an old folks home, Where they'd lost need for toothbrushes, and naturally a comb, That is the blokes of course, who are gummy, stooped and bald, And closing on a hundred years, which most can't be recalled. The women too are scuttling down, the road that's all down hill, And most visitors that come are more concerned about their will, But that sort of thing don't interest me, when I tell me yarn or two, About the way that they have lived, and the things they used to do. I try to bring back memories, to revive the ones that fail, Except I put on an ending, with a sting there in the tail. But in a place like this, where bad memory is their vice, No one seems to notice if I do the same poem twice. I'd recited 'Farewell Bill' and me old favourite D.N.A Then I was halfway through 'Old Blue', as a couple snored away. But a conversation started on, the ailments one bloke had. Freddie cut in my poem, about something that drives him mad. "Oh struth!" He said "Me hearing mate. I ain't heard a word you said". So I stopped reciting and, I gave a smile to Fred. "Do you want me to speak louder?" Then old 'Cobber' had his say, "Nar! Just cut the crap and have a yarn". So I gave the poems away. I thought this might be handy, and I could note their history, And I might get some great ideas, to write poetic mystery, But all I heard was grizzling 'bout the ailments that they had, If I put their stories into verse, I suppose they’d all be sad. You see old Bluey, Jack and Barney, who had nodded off on me, Started waking up and yawning, when they smelt a cup of tea, And when Freddie mentioned he had trouble, lifting up the cup Because his arm was now too weak, that woke the buggers up. Bluey shook his head and stammered, "Well mate, that's not as bad as me, My cataracts have got so bad, that I can't even see the tea!" I listened with a vacant mind, for there's no poem in that, Then heard Barney take the floor, with his quivering chat. "I can see with me glasses but, only when it's straight ahead, 'Cause arthritis in me neck has stiffened me", so old Barney said, And Jack who had gone back to sleep awoke and had his say. "These flamin' sleeping tablets sometimes kick in through the day". "You can sleep you lucky bugger,” 'Cobber' added with his trouble, "Those blood pressure tablets that I take, have me seeing double, And as well as getting dizzy too, the sunlight sends me blind". I couldn't see a poem in this, so I just pushed it from me mind. Well I done the best I could, to entertain these people here, But they didn't want my poetry, and that was fairly clear, So I bid them all a fond farewell, and went to walk away, When old Fred gave me a punch line, with something he did say. "Thanks for coming mate" he said. "I'm sorry that you had, To listen to the ailments, driving us old fellows mad, We have side effects we know, but at least we're still alive, And I suppose we should be thankful, that we all still can drive".