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existential realization dream

I dreamt of a situation in which I had chosen the option of lightheartedly losing my life with full knowledge of was I was doing, but not of what was next to come. I dreamt that I leaned against a large tetrahedron shaped sculpture of ice and widely ruptured my torso, all while giggling with a close friend. I then moved on acknowledging I had no heart yet continuing to breathe. I chose to leave the world of the living, not knowing what to expect after, but if I had known beforehand that I wouldn't face immediate death and would have time to discover what would happen to my surroundings after I joined the world of the rotting, I may have chosen a different path. I had watched those closest to me arriving at my funeral, cherishing my memory, seeing myself as a cliché for wishing I had spent more time with them, wishing I could spend more time with them now. I was given space to ponder my decision when I no longer had a beating heart in my body. I walked around in a world full of nostalgia and hope for me, waiting for my body to eventually give out. I wished deeply that I hadn't chosen to give up my life without a second thought, I wished deeply that when I did lose ownership over the organ that keeps me going, I had just gone suddenly. I drifted around my loved ones and the world offering me life's delicacies, just waiting to die, waiting for my body to realize that I should be gone by now, waiting to eventually fall apart. I was displeased with the unappetizing sight of people mourning me, watching the world run, knowing I can not run with it. I no longer had the control over my body to continue on. I had the control to take my own life yet I can't decide my fate now? I woke up finally with the ability to see what I needed to. I now understood that the message in my dream had gotten through to me, even when my real surroundings did rather dull everything out.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2022

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