existential realization dream
I dreamt of a situation in which I had chosen the option of lightheartedly losing my life with full knowledge of was I was doing, but not of what was next to come.
I dreamt that I leaned against a large tetrahedron shaped sculpture of ice and widely ruptured my torso, all while giggling with a close friend.
I then moved on acknowledging I had no heart yet continuing to breathe.
I chose to leave the world of the living, not knowing what to expect after, but if I had known beforehand that I wouldn't face immediate death and would have time to discover what would happen to my surroundings after I joined the world of the rotting, I may have chosen a different path.
I had watched those closest to me arriving at my funeral, cherishing my memory, seeing myself as a cliché for wishing I had spent more time with them, wishing I could spend more time with them now.
I was given space to ponder my decision when I no longer had a beating heart in my body.
I walked around in a world full of nostalgia and hope for me, waiting for my body to eventually give out.
I wished deeply that I hadn't chosen to give up my life without a second thought, I wished deeply that when I did lose ownership over the organ that keeps me going, I had just gone suddenly.
I drifted around my loved ones and the world offering me life's delicacies, just waiting to die, waiting for my body to realize that I should be gone by now, waiting to eventually fall apart.
I was displeased with the unappetizing sight of people mourning me, watching the world run, knowing I can not run with it.
I no longer had the control over my body to continue on.
I had the control to take my own life yet I can't decide my fate now?
I woke up finally with the ability to see what I needed to.
I now understood that the message in my dream had gotten through to me, even when my real surroundings did rather dull everything out.
Copyright © Tray Al-Bahadli | Year Posted 2022
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