Even the Laughter

Sometimes my happiness leaks out of my eyes like poorly done plumbing, It drips down my face and I can taste it on my tongue when I sit too quietly, Cheap candy, Sweetness gone too quickly, I’m wondering why all my eyelashes are falling out, I have nothing to make wishes with. No candles to blow out. It drips down my face like warm wax, My happiness, Cooling into casts of what it used to be, Pictures of memories I can’t remember. How funny it is to be stranger to your five year old self. I remember I was happy back then but I don’t remember much else. So when my happiness leaves me, I am not mad, I’m surprised it was ever there in the first place. Falling from happiness hurts so much more than not having happiness at all. Pretending for a moment that you can feel everything. That the sun is so warm on your skin, You hear the laughter. You hear the laughter. You laugh You laugh, but you don’t know the punchline, You laugh but slowly stop, Like an engine running out of petrol, Spluttering. Coming to the end. You are an engine with no running parts. I know It’s hard to remember, That nothing lasts. Even the laughter.