Even Steven's

Every year for seven now I’d helped me mate Tom Cooney out, along with Laurie ‘Fitz’ and Barry Dore when asparagus did sprout. We worked our shifts ‘til knock off time, then off we’d quickly dart, to cut the spears and stack them up for Tom to load his cart. But this year the crew Tom had so long was now back down to one. Laurie ‘Fitz’ is driving trucks and Dorey’s gone and chased the sun. I alone can’t put the hours in for Tom that’s needed on his block, so he had to find two cutters, and he employed young Rod and Jock. And if they aren’t a pair of Hillbilly’s then I reckon I’ll go ‘he’. They talked real slow, wore bib and brace, and often disagree. But they worked as hard as ‘Fitz’ and Dorey once they learnt the trade; Tom reckoned he had made a coup ‘cause Rod and Jock had made the grade. With fleet of foot between the hills; their knives decapitate the spears, and Tom gloated in a week; he had a pair that matched their peers. That comment stung me in the gut for I’m supposed to be the ‘gun’, and to keep me ‘possie’ to the fore they forced me to cut and run. But alas one morning smoko when the four of us were drinking tea, from somewhere out of nowhere there came the need to referee. I held back Jock while Rod took off; then Tom kicked up a fuss, for it seemed that feuding’s more important than his asparagus. It was a useless conversation with a passing questionnaire, and a slipping of the tongue that now made Jock aware, his trusted friend behind his back coerced his wife to stray, now Tom and I are holding Jock so Rod could run away. The topic Jock bought to the fore is based on the family tree. He said to Rod “Hey listen mate, see if you can help me. If your wife and me made love and then her belly got inflated. When she had my little baby would it mean that we’re related?” Tom looked at me, and I at him, then all of us at Rod, who rubbed his whiskers, tipped his hat, and gave a little nod. He took a breath and stood up then began on tempting fate … “Related Jock, I’m just not sure - but it would make us even mate”.