eternity

as i write this
i have two bottles on the bed next to me
filled with tiny hard capsules
they're staring at me
calling me
i've tried to resist their voices
but with each day they grow louder
i already tried two months ago
i've been trying to silence them ever since
it's hard to silence them
when it's the only comfort you get
the comfort of knowing that option is there
there is a way for the pain to stop
the suffering
i have letters written from months ago
i feel like i should've written more 
but it's not like i can get backlash
if they actually read them, there's no way to contact me
not anymore
i fear it won't work
just like it hasn't the last time
or the time before
and the time before that
and then it's just another thing to keep to myself
sometimes i wish somebody knew
but then they'd treat me different
or maybe they wouldn't
i don't know which one is worse
i'm stalling now
hoping maybe someone would text
i want to be gone but
i'd stay if you wanted me to
but you don't
so i've taken them now
it feels freeing in a way
to know the end is so near
i'm not even crying, just numb
i may do a few things
one last time
hopefully

Copyright © | Year Posted 2025



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